The Journey!

From knowing, to feeling, to being... 

I have journeyed far.....!

No wonder you are still single!

Oh! You are still single? (Raising eyebrows and all possible facial muscles)
Why aren’t you married yet?

Most of us, who’ve crossed the age of 28yrs and are still single, have been asked this question by all possible people – relatives, family friends, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and so on. They almost make you feel like a criminal who’s committed an unforgivable sin in life and is going to pay for this till eternity. When you politely and sometimes (faking) patiently respond to their questions saying ‘No, you aren’t married yet’, they arrive on the following conclusions about you, your life and your family:
1. Something must be wrong with the girl/boy
2. She/He must be very demanding (in terms of wanting an ideal match)
3. She/He doesn’t know how to adjust and/or compromise
4. The family must not have searched enough!
5. She/He is selfish; doesn’t care about his/her parents’ happiness
And I can go on and on with this list. But for now, I am going to limit this list to the above five points and throw some more light on it.

1. Something must be wrong with the girl/boy:
Dear Auntys and Uncles,
You really think I am not getting married because there must be something wrong with/in me? Well, let me be optimistic here and ask “Didn’t you get married despite the flaws that you have within?” In my humble opinion, we all have something or the other wrong with us. And according to me, that has nothing to do with me getting married or staying single. What is worth noting is that I would rather wait and have someone marry me after knowing what is (if anything) is wrong with me rather than marrying anybody to prove a point to you that nothing is wrong with me. 

2. She/He must be very demanding (in terms of wanting an ideal match):
I score highest in this point! I am often labeled as demanding when it comes to choosing a partner. I have an image (referring to the qualities of the person), like everyone else, of a companion that I wish to have in life. This image is created in my heart (not just mind) for a reason. The reason is that to me, this companion you refer to as husband isn’t just a man who’ll be loitering around at office during the day and come home to sleep beside me at night. To me, this companion is a person, a soul who’ll help me evolve/grow/mature in some form or the other. And because it is the matter of my growth, my soul and my life, I am the best person to know what/who is going to assist me in this process. In your not-so-humble opinion if I am demanding, I am glad I am because it shows that I am not taking my life/soul/spirit lightly and willing to enter a relationship which is mere celebration to you and a matter of life for me. 

3. She/He doesn’t know how to adjust and/or compromise:
And I top the chart in this one too! :D
Ironically, people who tell this about me are the ones who come to me for relationship advice. Everyone who discovers that you are still single (especially if you are 30 and a girl), they start their sermon of how marriage is all about adjustments and compromises and how I shouldn’t be headstrong about things (the man I wish to marry) but learn to give in and adjust. Some of these self-proclaimed wise souls even offer the man and point out the areas where I need to adjust and when I refuse, they look at me as if I am a woman who has no idea what she’s doing with her life. Even though I am not married, I am certain that adjustment and compromise cannot be the base of a marriage. It is a part of any relationship that we humans encounter, not just marriage. It isn’t and shouldn’t be the base or defining factor of marriage. I have handled marital cases where partners give up on this adjustment after 5-10-15 yrs of living into adjustments and compromises. And while doing so, they consciously/unconsciously begin to change themselves for their partner (in the hope of acceptance and making the other person happy) and then reach a point where they become unrecognizable to their own self. Adjustment and compromise are natural human tendencies (in my opinion) but it will come only when you have a sense of affection for your partner in which case, both adjustment and compromise becomes something that you willfully do and not something that you should/must do. 
When we go out shopping and really like an outfit at a store, we become adamant to buy the same piece of clothing. We are even ready to pay whatever price needed to own that dress/suit (no adjustment or compromising here). While picking up materialistic things, we ensure that we get the best of it and even check two three times for any defects, fitting, perfect color and so on. That same piece of cloth if gets damaged in the future, we try to stitch it up and keep it safe because it is our favorite piece of clothing. If it gets stained, we give it for dry cleaning; if it becomes tight or loose, we give it for alteration. We make efforts to ensure that that piece of clothing remains with us. Similarly, we all are designed to take care of our relationships. And it comes naturally if you are OK and happy with the person who’ve chosen to be with.
If some people aren’t willing to adjust/compromise, they do so for some reason and most of the time, the reason is to protect themselves mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually from being damaged. Some people fail to do this because the choice of partner was made by someone else and they just jumped into it thinking it will all be hunky dory. 
Remember, I’ve been in numerous relationships in life till date – family, friends, relatives, work etc  so, its not just once but numerous times that I have experienced what it is like to adjust and compromise. But I willingly choose not to base my marriage on these two words so if you think I don’t know how to adjust and compromise, I think its time you evaluate your own decisions/reasons of adjusting and compromising.

4. The family must not have searched enough!
Once people are done lecturing the girl/boy, it is time to throw themselves on the family. The family, especially parents, who are already secretly worried about their child’s life, panic all the more and start wondering why on earth is God being unfair to them. Parents see other kids getting married and having babies (at the lightening speed) and feel choked within, seeing their perfectly normal looking children still single. And truth be told, by now, they would have done every possible thing to look for a suitable match and are yet labeled by people as the ones who aren’t serious about their sons/daughters future. 
I have seen so many families removing their frustration on children because according to society, they failed to be good parents just because their children are still single. I have seen parents marry their children off at young age (trust me the ones getting married had no idea of what marriage entails, except that they’ll get to shop and go on a romantic honeymoon) just because society shouldn’t think they are not good parents. This whole pressure of family not doing enough cripples most parents and often leaves them with a sense of failure (as parents). 
My beloved people, please note that family has no role to play in this marital drama of hunting dulha/dulhan. I am a person who firmly believes in destiny and when it comes to marriage, I believe that we are destined to meet the one who’s meant for us (I know it sounds clichéd). It happens only when it has to happen and if its not happening, there must be a reason behind it. What reason? Please go and ask your respective Gods and if you manage to get an answer, do come and share with me. There are people who do not believe in destiny and it is ok to not believe. It is your life. But in my life, what I believe in becomes the truth. So, in my life, it doesn’t matter if my family is searching or has searched enough to get me a good match. What matters in my life is how much they continue to love me despite the fact that I am not living up to societal expectations. 
Every parent of every girl/boy who’s single yet has done enough so, if you cannot be compassionate towards them, please keep your pity and allegations to yourself.  Parenting isn’t about getting children married. It is about ensuring their happiness in any given situation. So, to all those parents who feel or think they’ve failed as parents just because their kids are not married yet, I am here to hug you and tell you that you continue to remain wonderful parents and I am glad and proud that you haven’t forced your children to marry (anyone) just to fulfill societal expectations. 

5. She/He is selfish and stubborn; doesn’t care about his/her parents’ happiness.
Do you even realize how painful it is for the person to hear such a thing? 
As a child, I (referring to all the single men/women) did every single thing to make sure my parents are happy with what I did or how I behaved. I did that at a young age when I wasn’t this mature, so you think I would purposely do something now (more matured than I ever was) to hurt the hearts who I owe my life to? Sometimes, postponing the decision of marriage or not picking any ‘tom ****(beep) & harry’ for marriage is done with an intention of not hurting the family and self. 
I am glad I am taking time in this decision because I would rather not give my family fleeting happiness and later get divorced and cause more misery to them. I do have friends who married for their parents/family’s happiness and I know what hardships they are going through in life. Imagine how miserable would these parents feel if they know that they contributed the greatest deal in this hardship! So, if I am being selfish right now, it is because I love my family and myself so much that I would not want to consciously cause any damage to our beings. What you call being selfish, I call it being wise. I wish to understand marriage and get married because I want to and not because I feel that my decision of marrying would make my parents happy for a few days. I don’t wish a few days of happiness for them but a lifetime of joy and by not marrying for wrong reasons, I am preparing myself to shower that lifetime of joy on their Being. 


Marriage is not a union that you pick to prove to society (or anyone else) that you’ve successfully crossed a developmental milestone. Marriage is not about other person completing you and nor is it about getting new clothes or having a man/woman to love you for the rest of your life. 
Marriage is an institution where you grow and evolve as an individual. It is a bond in which your partner assists you in evolving emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Marriage is love experienced in a different form. Marriage is understanding why out of billions of people you met only this particular person and allowing yourself to learn and grow in the presence of this Being. Marriage is not just about two people on the stage and the clan dancing down. It is about allowing your partner to assist you in discovering certain aspects of your being so that with time, not just the love between you two but even the love you feel for yourself and life multifold. 

Be it single or be it married, let love be the foundation of whatever you do...
                                 
                                          

A brief encounter with Fear!

On Sunday, I went to a place called Bhivpuri near Karjat for a trek-cum-waterfall rappelling. I have been on adventure camps before but WATERFALL rappelling was something I was trying for the first time. The water phobic that I am, I had nothing but fear and uncertainty in every single cell of my body. When I was all prepped and ready to rappel down, I kept telling (rather pleading) the Universe to stay connected and kept reminding myself to breathe. I laughed at my own self for being this stupid and deciding to put myself through this angst. I began repeating the mantra ‘One step at a time’ and started coming down. After a minute of pretending-to-be confident rappel, I slipped. I slipped and all I could drink, breathe, feel was water. The force was so strong that I couldn’t open my eyes and the rock was so slippery and uneven that I couldn’t get a grip. I froze. Never in my life I felt and experienced fear so closely. I didn’t know what to do and kept feeling helpless as I continued to struggle to find a grip and get my balance. I have this insane habit of starting to breathe when I get dipped in water (out of anxiety and fear) so that made it worse for me to get a control (of course that moment I screamed at myself ‘stop breathing. Stop breathing.’) Somehow I managed to get a grip and began rappelling down once again. I was about to come back to my senses and I slipped again and this time, I managed to hang myself towards extreme left where the flow and force of water was merciless. My mind, my breath, my whole Being stopped working. All I knew and felt was fear – fear of not being able to make it. All my life, I have had fear accompanying me. Anywhere I went, whatever I did (good, bad or outstanding), it was there. And yesterday, it managed to take over my Being. In that fraction of a moment, I was engulfed and possessed by it. After what seemed like eternity – twirling, twisting, slipping and gasping, I caught hold of my body and hung to the rope and gradually got myself to the finish point.

When I got out of the safety harness and looked at the waterfall, I couldn’t believe I made it! I looked at the gushing water, the rope and other humans rappelling down and that’s when it struck me. We all as human beings encounter situations where we feel fearful and lost. No matter what we do, we continue to breathe struggle and anxiety. Some of us even give up and end lives. And it is in those moments that we forget the rope and the harness - the Universe/God/Life force/Prana. We forget that it is still holding us safe, ready to assist us in getting a grip. In that state of panic, we lose the patience and the ability to trust this force. The rope was stronger than my fears and yet I gave all my power to fear. Even the times I let the fear take control, the rope stayed with me – patiently waiting for me to hold on to it. And the moment I shifted this control from fear to the rope, I was instantly connected with the Universe. Even though the fear stayed, I knew I was safe. I let out a sigh and smiled at the waterfall.

Am I not scared anymore? – Of course I am.
Will I do this again? – Probably not!
How did this experience help me? – It gave me a slightly better understanding of the Human in me. I travelled back home feeling calmer, joyous, at peace and more connected with the Universal force (within and around). 

~Gratitude~

I am not what I think I am!

Universe: Who are you?
Me: I am Shama.
Universe: Who are you?
Me: I am Shama.
Universe: Who are you?
Me: Did you forget the Human Being, the so called Divine Creature, YOU created in the first place???
Universe: Alas! You managed to remember who you truly are!
Me: (Speechless)

Fear of the Unknown!

Me: I fear the Unknown
Universe: You mean you fear me?
Me: Yes
Universe: Hmm
Me: Why do I fear you?
Universe: Because you don’t know me:) You have to know me to be able to love me.
Me: Hmmm. How do I get to know you?
Universe: Know that I am YOU and I can never abandon my own self. We were, we are and we will always be connected. You just have to become aware of that connect which is already there – within you and around you. Connect with your breath and you will sense my presence there!
Me: So, if you are ME and we are ONE, why do I sense fear and not love?
Universe: Because you love your mind more than you love your Being:)
Me: But isn’t my mind a part of my Being?
Universe: That’s right. But haven’t you made that part the whole of your Being?:)
Me: (Speechless)

*Silence*

May be... May be not!

You know that familiar voice which begins to scream silently saying:
May be...
May be you shouldn't have let it go...
May be you should have persuaded more...
May be you should have adhered to it...
May be you should have been more heroic... 
May be then, things would have worked in your favor...
May be.. Just may be you made a mistake...
That craving... That desperate prayer... To get one last chance... 
One last chance to undo everything...
One last chance to make a different choice...
One last chance of choosing the one you let go...

May be then.. Just may be.. Things would have worked out differently.
May be then, the feelings and the voice within would be different.
May be then.. Just may be.. This craving to have you by my side would go away. 

But then, just like may be, there's another voice hushing 'may be not'......

On Love...

Me: What is Love?
Universe: It is You.
Me: Isn't it just a feeling that I feel?
Universe: That's what you have limited Love to!
Me: Why would I do that?
Universe: Because you are afraid of Love.
Me: Hmmmm. May be!
Universe: Hmmmm
Me: So, if I am Love like you say, that means I am afraid of myself?
Universe: You know it better! :-) 
Me: (looks up and smile)

*Silence*

It is OK!

Sometimes, we all need someone to tell us that 'it is OK'!
That:
It is OK to feel helpless.
It is OK to feel lonely.
It is OK to desire a companion and cry over not having one by your side.
It is OK to be with your person (lover) and still feel distantly lost.
It is OK to cry over something that didn't work out.
It is OK to long for someone - known or unknown.
It is OK if you screwed up a relationship - knowingly or unknowingly.
It is OK if you feel that there is no end to your hardships.
It is OK to feel whatever you are feeling right NOW.
It is perfectly OK to be not OK.

Sometimes, we either be the person who is feeling all this or we become the person who says 'it is all OK.'

In conversation!

Universe: What do you want?
Me: I want us to stay connected.
Universe: We are connected.
Me: I don't feel it.
Universe: Can you feel your breath?
Me: Now I can.
Universe: That's me! :-) I am always here. Right here. Just a breath away!
I smile and continue to breathe in silence...

Mumbai - A city of dreams!

We all, every human being, irrespective of where we live, we all have a city of dreams within us.
Each day, this city decides to illuminate itself or mourn in the darkness. This city of dreams within transit from broken dreams to fulfilled dreams and amidst this transition are some dreams that are long lost and forgotten. There are dreams that are dropped mid way to pursue and build a new city of expectations. We all breath in this city of dreams every single moment - some with teary eyes and some with hopeful eyes. 
Is your city of dreams illuminated or have you left it in darkness to pursue someone else's dream?
Light one candle every day in this city of dreams within. It will not just illuminate your world but will brighten up the world that your fellow human beings live in! :) 

Into the Nothingness!

Sometimes, in meditation, I join my hands (at the end) to pray.
Eyes closed, hands in prayer position and as I begin to pray to God, nothing comes out.
Nothing to seek
Nothing to ask
Nothing to plead
Nothing to desire
Nothing
Absolutely nothing.
The silence within is compelling.
The stillness precedes. 
The prayer is over. 
No words communicated and yet I sense my prayer being heard and being answered!
Nothing to ask and yet everything communicated.
And that is how, my journey towards nothingness begins...

Nature's Trail

You and I, creation of the same Universe and see where you are!
And look where I have got myself to be!

You stand still, while I journey forward,
Carrying the weight of my own being,
Twirling and twisting,
Whining and sobbing,
With a hurricane of emotions within!
I managed to break my ties with the Universe, 
And trap myself in my own world - a world far away from stillness,
A world within this world that I have created for my own survival.

Yet another day, I will pass by you. I know of that.
Craving for that stillness, 
that calmness which I felt in your presence.
And you, you will still stand whist... Sharing your stillness with me. I know of that.
That day, I will hope, my heart recognizes that stillness and reciprocates the same!
Because some day, that day, only you will be there - standing still, and yet attune with the Universe in your own beautiful way. 
And I, I will dissolve into that stillness and wish to carry the Universe with me. 

You and I, creation of the same Universe and see where you are!
And look where I have got myself to be!

Destiny in disguise!

Who is he? A human in disguise? A destiny in the form of stranger?
To unfold this destiny, I need to know that stranger. 
Even after knowing the stranger, the destiny continues to be veiled and distant. 
"Trust the stranger. Trust the process", it says from behind the curtain.
I smile thinking about the stranger and let out a sigh. 
Trusting the process seems easier than trusting the stranger. 
"Have patience," it said.
The stranger taught me that. I remember.
"Surrender to the process of life," it said.
Ah! The stranger is teaching me that too!
'Perhaps, your job is not to possess the stranger but to learn what he is there to teach', a familiar voice echoed.

And the struggle to unfold this destiny and trusting the stranger continues!  

The Longing!

Longing for a lover is natural.
Swim in it. Don't drown.
Taste the restlessness, observe the impulsiveness and notice the desperation.
Become aware of all of this and get closer to a part of yourself that is feeling this love. 
Water the seeds of patience within you. 
Admire the ability of your heart - of loving and being loved.
Cherish the existence of this heart, the feelings, the chain of chemical and hormonal chaos within!
Become aware.

The longing will continue. Today, tomorrow or some other day. But with each passing desperation, your patient heart will become capable of touching the most untouched part of your soul. Embrace your heart's capability of loving, not just one individual, but the entire Universe!

The game of resisting and persisting!

Each time I resist your thought, I begin to persist the same.
What brought you into my life?
What lesson did you come to teach me?
I am being reminded of the soulful connect every now and then!
I struggle to understand whether its my mind talking or my soul whispering.
I don't know. I wouldn't know. 
And that is when I surrender!
I know that it is only when I surrender, the truth will be revealed to me.
Till then, I continue to excel this game of resisting and persisting!

The Tale of Thoughts!

It starts with one thought and within seconds, that one thought becomes a proud father of dozens of baby thoughts cluttering to fit in one tiny brain. The fight begins then! Me Vs plenty of them. While I lay there alone, my opponents seem to multiply in number with every nano second. I try to fight them - one, two, five, may be seven of them at a time. And then, like I've been drugged or anesthetized, I begin to lose myself - lose my identity, my existence and become each one of these thoughts. 
When I am drowning in the pool of these thoughts, my being sometimes comes to my rescue, reminding me that I am not my thoughts. I disconnect from these babies for a while and wonder how (each time) I get lost in my thoughts and worst, start becoming all of it. 
And then, I remind myself to become aware. Become aware of this circus. Then, I allow myself to become an observer of these thoughts rather than becoming a monkey myself. I remind myself that my mind is the monkey. I am neither the monkey nor my mind. I am beyond that. I am the soul, of the soul, of the soul!

When my Heart knocked!

When I was told that I have to do (or become) something in life, I heard my mind tell me 'Become an air hostess or a fashion designer or may be an interior decorator.' I heard numerous voices bringing me variety of options for what I could be! 
Then came a day when my heart silently knocked and excused itself. Clearing the throat, it lovingly asked, "Are you free to talk to me?"
I had never heard its voice before so it took me a while to respond and welcome it. The heart smiled sincerely and continued, "Are you not tired yet?"
I gave a puzzled look, "tired of what?"
It said warmly, "tired of listening to all those voices in your head and struggling to become that?"
I sat there perplexed. This voice was new and comforting. I looked at it helplessly and sighed . 
The heart sensed my tiredness and all it said to me was, "Listen!"
I heard. For the first time. I heard its beat - fast and then gradually slowing down to a peaceful rhythmic pace. Then I heard silence. I had neither heard nor interacted with this silence before. I surrendered myself to this calmness. The voice then began to guide me towards my actual being. It was this voice that made me become a Psychologist, an Artist and a Writer. It introduced me to my destiny and my purpose in life. The anxiety and worries were then replaced by determination, love and grace. 
Since then, I began weaving destiny in my everyday life. Today, I am glad and grateful that I heard and welcomed the voice of my heart!

What does your heart tell you? Have you had a conversation with it yet? If not, LISTEN. It is patiently awaiting you with all the love and warmth - awaiting to introduce you to your destiny. 
Listen to it. Follow it. Become it.

God Bless You! :-) 

The journey of becoming a Human Being

Every day I am learning - learning to overcome my fears, to shoo my worries, to fall in love without boundaries, being in the moment and being able to breathe happiness. 
Each day I am learning to become more human - the human how I was created, the human who is an epitome of supreme intelligence, love and divinity. 
Each day, I learn to become that.