That feeling! That familiar feeling that either you are letting everything go or everything is going away from you! That feeling of you doing everything to make things right and yet things turning just the way u never wanted them too! That feeling! I have known that feeling and I am sure you know it too. We both have traveled far with this feeling! You and I! We both have seen felt it, fought it, survived through it, only to fall back on it at some point. I know that frustration and I know you have felt it too.
That feeling which leads us to question the Universe, life and the Self!
And in that desperation and hopelessness, we struggle to find a steady ground. It's that moment when we break - break so hard that it becomes exhaustive to survive this phase. And it's that moment when we become so weak and vulnerable that we doubt we were ever a strong soul. Many a times in this desperation, I have found my being vulnerable and wounded. Many a times in this hopelessness, I have nursed this fragile being. Many a times in this emotional and mental exhaustion, I have sat beside this broken self with tears in my eyes, trying to gather and fix the broken pieces of my Being. Many a times, in this vulnerable phase, I have been a companion to my Being. And it is then that I understand how I am the only one and only Me who can nurse my being. It is only me who gets to have such a close look at the vulnerable side of my being. It is only me who can see the depth of my weakness. Perhaps that's this strength that I was ought to discover through vulnerability!
After all, both in vulnerability and strength, the Me in it remains the same.The Me that's always connected to this vast Universe! Even in this vulnerability, the good part is, I learn to lose myself in my own Being!
In life, we all reach a point where we give up! We lose interest in ourselves and our life and we feel this is it! This is the end and we don’t see any way out from such situations. By now, we have tried everything and we’ve reached a point of exhaustion. We feel so drained that giving another try seems impossible. Almost all of us experience this point of exhaustion and uncertainty. We feel we aren’t doing enough or being enough and we just don’t understand the meaning of our existence. It is at this point that we get an opportunity to pause – to pause and ask ourselves “what am I here for?” There’s no hurry to look for an answer but it is important that we ask. The fact that we are living this moment right now means that the Universe wants us. ‘How’ and ‘Why’ is on us to figure out (that’s why we have this life I suppose!) The fact that we are born means there must be some reason, some purpose to our existence even if we don’t know what it is! There’s always a purpose for each one of us. And the times when we don’t know what that is, I remind myself that I don’t know what it is but the Universe does! And I start asking that force what is the purpose of my existence.
Do I get an answer? Most of the times, no. But I do experience that the moment I begin this conversation, I start making peace with that exhaustion. I begin a process of embracing life in some form and for that moment, this acceptance becomes my purpose. The purpose is not always about finding what you are here for! The purpose is sometimes all about reminding yourself that you are alive. Alive and breathing! I know the mind says its not enough but know that Life says it is enough for this moment!
The times you feel you don’t have a reason to live or a purpose to fulfill, it is OK to remind yourself that ‘You are alive!’ YOU ARE ALIVE. Accept this truth that you are alive. And while you do this, gratefully extend a helping hand. Let the Universe know you need help. When you do this, the Universe begins to assist you in this process of making peace with the exhaustion. It does! Open your heart and soul to receive help. The Universe is always willing to help. Its we who prefer to hold hands with exhaustion instead! So while you continue to hold hands with the bitter part of life, allow the other hand to extend and the Universe will hold it to show you the not-so-bitter part of life :)
Remember, as the great philosopher Ram Dass said “We are all just walking each other home”. So, know that while there are times when you are extending the hand for help, there are times when the Universe is using your hand to hold someone else’s extended hand! :)
Even in this exhaustion, you continue to be a miracle just because you are alive - Alive and Breathing!:)
Love
Shama
